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Dr. Bob's Daily Messages 

Most of my reading audience probably doesn’t know that I served as an adjunct professor for Drake University for 14 consecutive years, retiring from that position in August, 2009. Throughout those years, I taught three courses – Community and Society, Leadership and the Profession, and Managing Schools. I was part of a team of instructors preparing graduate students to be principals, assistant principals, and deans. For the first six years of that gig, I co-taught with my very good friend, Dr. Jim Casey, Associate Superintendent of the Johnston Community School District. During the final eight years, I taught solo and became an “on-the-road” professor in traveling to cohort groups in Bettendorf, Cedar Rapids, Mason City, and Denison. I was able to juggle this responsibility in my busy schedule by teaching over the course of three weekends for the equivalent of a semester’s work. Practitioners teaching students who are preparing for the profession is a hallmark of outstanding education programs in our country. 

Over a year ago, God worked in my heart, directing me to seek a Christ-centered teaching alternative. I really must be able to fully express my faith and indicate how Christ and biblical truth inform my leadership and decision-making as an educator. So I have now been approved to teach for Northwestern College of Minnesota and Cedarville University of Ohio. I’m hoping for a combination of face-to-face and online instruction in future semesters, starting as early as 2010-2011. 

Still, I very definitely enjoyed my experiences as a professor at Drake. And I was surprised and humbled when my good friend and colleague, Dr. Dave Darnell, nominated me for the Excellence in Education Award given by Drake’s School of Education. I am a bit sheepish about the attention, so you haven’t heard me speak or write much about this award. But the cat is out of the bag now with hourly announcements on KNWI 107.1 Radio and an article in the Des Moines Register on March 9th, so I thought I ought to at least offer this brief commentary to you. 

I accepted the award on Tuesday, March 9^th at the Olmsted Center of Drake University. I was pleased to be joined by my wife, daughters, son-in-law, and parents. I’ll let my acceptance comments speak for me (below). Thank you so much for your kind words of congratulations and encouragement on the heels of the Register and KNWI announcing the award.

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Comments Following the Excellence in Education Award

By Dr. Bob Stouffer

Drake University

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

My Mom made an interesting comment to me during my junior year of high school at West High School in Davenport, Iowa. She knew I was planning to major in English at Winona State University and she said, “English is a good undergraduate degree for law school.” 

Her statement was a defining moment in my life, because she opened the door for me to articulate my professional plans outloud. Without a moment’s notice, I responded, “I have seen the positive impact that you and Dad have had as educators, and I want to have that same impact on students and athletes.” That statement began my 30-year career as a teacher, coach, assistant principal, principal, and now superintendent.

I have never spoken to my mother about that conversation. I’m guessing she was just trying to make sure that I was choosing the profession for myself, not simply because she and Dad had gone before me. 

My Mom, Trish, the former kindergarten teacher, developed a love of reading and words in me.

My Dad, Willie, the former elementary principal, provided me with a very appealing model of gregarious relationship-building. I am my father’s son. I am my grandmother’s grandson. We know no strangers. Too many people.   Never enough time. To the fledgling teachers in this audience, I charge you to make connections with students, parents, and your colleagues your number-one- priority. Of course, we teach content and skills, but we are, first and foremost, teaching STUDENTS and partnering with PARENTS, and we must never allow our busy-ness to get the better of those relationships. 

My folks have loved me unconditionally throughout my life, and, if you knew my entire story, you would have an even deeper appreciation for their influence on me. I am grateful to have been raised by such outstanding parents.   I try to regularly express my appreciation to them in that regard, and I would encourage all of you to verbalize similar praise to parents who have raised you well. My folks were kind enough to drive from Davenport for this ceremony. Thanks, Mom and Dad. 

My teaching at Drake started on a whim. After earning my Ph.D. at The University of Iowa, my intent was to become a full-time professor of education somewhere near Cheryl’s family in Ohio. “The other” Dr. Tom Davis, Superintendent of Urbandale Schools, walked up to me at a conference I had organized, and asked, “Do you know anyone who wants to be a high school principal?” I didn’t really want to be a high school principal, but I was getting tired of making $10,000 a year as a graduate assistant, and the universities to which I had applied were moving at such a snail’s pace. So I impulsively and passionately answered, “I want to be a high school principal!” Six weeks later, after a whirlwind process, I was the Principal of Urbandale High School. 

Two years into my tenure at Urbandale High School, I once again got the itch to teach at the college level. I walked into Perry Johnston’s office at Drake, handed him a copy of my resume, and told him I was interested in teaching as an adjunct professor whenever there was an opening. “As a matter of fact,” he said at that very moment, “We’re losing an adjunct who is headed back to Lincoln, Nebraska. I think we could fit you into the schedule.” 

I was apparently bold in all 35 of my years of life. I told Perry that I would only take the job if I could co-teach with another practicing administrator, and I agreed to split the pay. Perry really liked the vision. Out of the blue, I asked a Principal I had heard good things about but had never met. Dr. Jim Casey was the Principal of Johnston High School – he is now the Associate Superintendent of the Johnston Schools – and a life-long friendship was formed. We did not “turn teach.” We truly “co-taught.” Jim and I were in the classroom at all times, playing verbal volleyball with each other and with the students.  He was the calm, concrete-sequential, and I was the zealous random-abstract of the pair.  It really was quite invigorating, and I think six years of student evaluations would provide plenty of support for the efficacy of the model.  I owe Jim a lot of credit for my development as an instructor of graduate students. 

Throughout my 14 years with Drake, the graduate students taught me a great deal. I never felt guilty about cashing a Drake paycheck, but I must admit that I always enjoyed knowing that I was learning just as much from the bright and creative students as they might have been learning from me. I was getting paid for my own professional development!

I have literally loved every member of the Educational Leadership department and many other members of the college: Jamie Ferrare, Jan McMichael, Perry Johnston, Annette Liggett, Bonnie, Dave Darnell, Doug Stilwell, Galen Howsare, Ann Feldmann, Joan Roberts, Maggie, Bridget Arrasmith, Susan Harn, Jan Walker, Bill Wright, Tom Drake, Ronni Stalker, and others. 

The educational leadership program is superb! A healthy mix of full-time and adjunct professors are serving as instructors. The weekend delivery works for students, and it certainly worked for me. I absolutely loved when the cohort system was instituted, especially if I were able to join a cohort for more than one class in Denison, Cedar Rapids, Mason City, and Bettendorf. 

I am CERTAINLY not a perfect teacher. Scores of the famous Drake bubble evaluations from my years would indicate that I made my share of mistakes. I strived not to be boring, but I am certain that I bored some of the students. I chose the wrong methodology from time-to-time. I strained some relationships – hopefully, never intentionally. I still have regular interaction with many former Drake students, which is remarkable, because it is difficult to invest in relationships over only 3 weekends for a course.

I genuinely cared about ALL of the graduate students, even and especially those who were a bit difficult to love. People had invested in me as a new teacher and administrator. I have always been compelled – no matter how convenient in other people’s perceptions – to bend over backwards to invest in other educators. 

I must conclude by thanking my immediate family, which formed in 1982. My two lovely daughters, Molly and Hannah, have essentially competed against my extremely busy schedule, but I love both of them with a love that only a father can have for daughters. After living with all women in my home, including two female cats, and, obviously working in a profession dominated by women, I am grateful that Molly Flinkman brought Jake into my life as the son I never had. I thank them for being here tonight. 

My wife Cheryl has been incredibly tolerant and supportive of my crazy schedule and MANY weekends away from home when I was teaching as a rent-a-prof on the road. She must have wondered if I was as committed to our marriage as I was to responding on Blackboard or assessing student work for so many hours. My love for her only grows through our nearly 28 years of marriage. Cheryl has earned an honorary doctorate during our life journey. Thank you, dear.

Most importantly, I thank Jesus Christ, who is Lord and Savior of my life. Becoming a Christian at 36 years of age really causes a man to be grateful for his salvation.  I thank Him daily for that.  

I am proud to say that God wired me to teach. Education is literally coded on my genes and chromosomes. Such is a strongly-held belief of my worldview. It is no accident that my great-grandparents, grandmother, and parents were all teachers. It is no accident that my daughter is an excellent English teacher – far better than I was at 23. We serve in a noble profession. Athletes and actors are disproportionately compensated in comparison to educators at all levels, but we educators receive something far more valuable than paychecks and 401K investments. 

Our legacy includes the changed lives of people. In God’s economy, there can be no greater investment by the teacher and no greater return-on-investment for the student. For those reasons, I humbly accept this award on behalf of the professors who are far more deserving than I but who have never been recognized for their effectiveness. One day, a greater award awaits me. I long for the day when I hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant. Well done.” 

Drake is a wonderful university. I say to all of you, including my own parents, “Well done, you good and faithful servants. Well done.”

Thank you. 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. . . ."  (English Standard Version, Galatians 5:22c)

Peace

chara (Greek) --

". . .not just freedom from trouble but everything that makes for a man's highest good."  (Barclay in Guzik, p. 21 of 24)

". . .a positive peace, filled with blessing and goodness -- not simply absence of fighting."  (Guzik, emphasis in original, p. 21)

Those definitions certainly "enlarge" the concept of peace.  We do often think of peace as the absence of conflict, trouble, trial, challenge, and heartache, but a person can be experiencing peace while in the most chaotic throes of conflict, trouble, trial, challenge, and heartache.  This kind of peace can come only from the God of the universe.  The world does not know this peace, because the Holy Spirit does not indwell the non-believer.  The Holy Spirit is our conduit for such supernatural peace.  This peace allows us to sense God's presence in the midst of our problems.  We should pray for the presence of God in our lives -- when we are experiencing joy AND especially when we are grieving through difficult life experiences. 

Right now, I am troubled in spirit by things which are happening in my life.  I am frustrated about my inabilities as a leader, husband, father, and professional.  So I have an opportunity to "live out" what I am writing about here.  No one should feel sorry for me.  I should not feel sorry for me.  I should embrace the challenges of life as a way for God to shape me more fully into the likeness of His Son, and so I can experience this peace the writers of the Scriptures talk about in the Bible. 

Life is NEVER free of difficulties.  We so often want to live in a bubble which frees us from hurts.  We would often rather be in denial about the hard things of life.  But God calls us to embrace our trials.  We must count it pure joy to be experiencing trials of all kinds (James 1:2-4).  We are to rejoice in our sufferings, because the net results are endurance, developing character, and hope (Romans 5:3-5). 

Barclay offers additional commentary on this type of biblical peace -- "Here [peace] means that tranquility of heart which derives from the all-pervading consciousness that our times are in the hands of God."  Amen!  Our times ARE in the hands of God.  He IS sovereign Lord of our lives.  The difficulty comes from making this kind of peace an "all-pervading consciousness."  We get distracted.  We get busy.  We sin.  As a result of the distraction, busy-ness, and sin, we take our eyes off Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.  We are like Peter.  We initially have the all-pervading consciousness, so we can actually walk on water with Jesus!  Then we look at the waves and the risk of failing, and we "sink." 

Again, I defer to Guzik -- "We would say that this peace is a peace of the Spirit, because it is a higher peace than just what comes when everything is calm and settled. This is a peace of God, which surpasses all understanding."  (from Philippians 4:7, emphasis in original, p. 20)

I pray for this peace which surpasses all understanding.  I pray for this peace which acts in concert with all of the other parts of the fruit of the Spirit.  Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control work in tandem.  I received a beautiful photograph when I left my position as Principal of Urbandale High School and ventured to Des Moines Christian as Superintendent in 2000.  The print is entitled "PEACE."  The cited Scripture is 2 Thessalonians 3:16  -- "Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way.  The Lord be with you all." The photograph features a bay with absolutely calm waters and huge rocks jutting out of the depths. The sun is concentrating warm rays to the waters below. And the aphorism on the print reads, "The peace of God empowers you to see clearly in the midst of every challenge."

Amen!

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I love Guzik's observation that early Christians "really knew and loved the joy and peace of the Spirit," (p. 21) so much so that they would name their girls who they hoped to be characterized by joy as Eirene (Irene) and those whom they hoped to be characterized by peace as Chara (Cara)!

Focus on the Family just issued the organization’s “2010 State of the Family” report. Dr. James Dobson and his colleagues pointed out that “four major challenges face the American family today” –

Unmarried childrearing

The rate of births to unmarried women has more than doubled since 1980, from 18% of births [in] 1980 to 40% of births today.

Cohabitation

America has seen a 14-fold increase in unmarried cohabitation (an unmarried man and woman living together) since 1960.

Increasing childlessness

Only 40% of Americans agreed that “children are very important to a successful marriage” in 2007. That number was 65% as recently as 1990.

Those are all significant cultural issues for analysis by the body of Christ at a later date, not by a Christian school superintendent today, but I would like to concentrate on Focus’ fourth (and final) challenge faced by the American family today, because this challenge impacts all of us, and the challenge impacts Des Moines Christian School as well.

Busyness

Nearly 3 out of 5 Christians say their hectic schedules prevent them from spending time with God. American parents spend 40% less time with their children than they did 50 years ago.

GUILTY AS CHARGED! 

I must come clean right out of the chutes. I am not going to “guilt” anyone about this subject, because I struggle with this issue the same as anyone. 

We’re too busy! Let me say it again, and more emphatically! WE’RE TOO BUSY!!

First we over-program ourselves, and then we over-program our children.. We don’t leave enough margin in any of our schedules. We don’t allow our kids time enough to be kids. Our children are so involved with school homework, the arts, athletics, and church activities that they have little breathing room at the front-end or backside of a day. Junior high and high school kids also cram jobs into their calendars, which pushes them into the wee hours of the morning with studying for exams, doing research, scanning the Internet, writing papers, and preparing PowerPoint presentations.  

When I was a kid – here comes a “good old days” story – we played 15 little league games in May and had June, July, and August off, so four of us played stick ball for hours-on-end at Petersen Park in Davenport – with old and battered equipment and “ghost runners.” Were we deprived? No. Did I need therapy because I didn’t have hundreds of dollars worth of bats, gloves, bags, and uniforms? No. Did I need to go on the road from April through August, staying in hotel rooms and eating motels? No. 

Now, before I get accused of being anti-AAU or anti-ODC or anti-ASA, please hear my heart. I’m not against athletics. Athletics were a major part of my life and development as a person. Under control, any of these extra-curricular activities can be very beneficial to young men and young women, especially to those who do have a special talent in a particular activity. But we must all admit that our involvement with such leagues and programs can stretch us all to the very limits of our time and energy. 

We risk burning out our families and burning out our kids. I simply offer this entry today as a caution to all of us – myself included, father of a select soccer player and elite track runner – to keep our lives and schedules in balance. Three (3) out of 5 Christians say their hectic schedules prevent them from spending enough time with God?! I’m one of those 3! I am convicted! I need to make time with God the first fruit of my schedule, not the post-script of my planner! My strong, personal, abiding vertical relationship with God will allow my horizontal relationships to be better. My knowledge, study, memorization of, and meditation upon the Word of God will store up truths in my head and heart, so I “do not sin against God” and so I am “thoroughly equipped for every good work of God.” 

I also do not dispute the data indicating that American parents spend 40% less time with their children than they did 50 years ago. Again, regrettably, I am convicted! Ironically, electronic devices have made our lives easier and have allowed us to connect with more people (even internationally), but those same devices have isolated us from each other in families. One person is at a computer in a room of a house; still another is working his cell phone; and yet a third is off doing her own thing in a completely separate room. Get the picture? Been there, done that? I’ve been there and done that – far too many times than I would like to admit to you.

Our most important relationship is with the Creator of the universe. Getting that relationship right sets a rock-solid foundation. Good relationships take time, energy, and focused attention. I cannot conform to the likeness of Christ if I am not in the Word of God, praying for God to speak to me, or connecting with other like-minded Christians who are holding me accountable to spiritual growth. My relationship with my wonderful wife Cheryl will not develop if I am not giving time, energy, and focused attention to her. My relationships with my two daughters, Molly and Hannah, and my son-in-law, Jake, are not going to be satisfying and abundant unless I am giving time, energy, and focused attention to them.

Some personalities are, perhaps, more susceptible to busyness than others. I am Type-A. I am always on-the-move. I can find ways of doing more and “filling more time.” If I sense that I am overwhelmed with my work tasks, I go into the office earlier, or I stay later than normal. I seek to expunge certain activities from my schedule but then always seem to “backfill” with other “opportunities.” I gave up weekly attendance at the “Message Community” of my church and joined the Elder Board instead! I didn’t teach any graduate classes this year for the first time in 14 years, and I decided to write a book! Busyness may be a sign to others of “importance” or accomplishment, but the old adage is certainly true – Do not confuse activity with accomplishment. I can even be involved in great ministries and not be accomplishing anything God desires. As always, John 17:4 applies. Just like Jesus, I am to bring glory to God the Father by completing the work He gives me to do (not the busy work I assign to myself)! John 14:12 is also apt. Jesus promised all of us as His believers that, when we have faith in Him, we will DO EVEN GREATER THINGS than He did! Is that amazing, or what? He promised me that I can do even greater things than He?!! Incredible! I can’t do great things for Jesus if I’m scurrying like a hamster on a wheel. Mark Schultz has it right in his song; often, I am simply so busy that I am “running just to catch myself.” 

I’m thinking outloud. I’m ranting. I’m preaching. I’m confessingThat’s right. . I’m confessing. The step in dealing with a challenge is admitting my contribution to the challenge. Give it a thought yourself. What can you do to nurture more effective relationships with God, your spouse, your child/ren, those in the body of Christ, Des Moines Christian, your neighborhood, and your community? Focus on the family gives seven tips for making our families stronger –

• Eat dinner as a family four nights a week at least.

• Develop family hobbies.

• Engage with your children online to help them learn and practice healthy Internet habits.

• Focus more time and undivided attention on your child/ren.

• Serve together in your community.

• Model an effective marriage for your child/ren.

• Take the TV and computer out of your child/ren’s bedroom.

Most importantly, I say, TURN TO GOD, the author and perfecter of our faith. Ask Him what you should do. I can almost guarantee that He will respond through your study of His Word, the comment of a fellow believer, and the circumstances which could not be explained as coincidental in your life. God bless you as you address this issue of busyness. You will be glad you did. 

Satan was crafty.

The very intelligence and creativity of Satan – which God intended for His glory – was perverted by Satan for man’s “destruction.” God gave abilities to Satan, and He also gave Satan free will, with which Satan chose poorly. 

God had given Adam and Woman the directive not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.* God expected Adam and Woman to obey that command. He gave them free will, because He is not a God who would not control His creation like puppets on strings.

Satan was a deceiver. He first planted doubt in Woman’s mind. He told her that God could not possibly have given that command, and he told her that she would surely not die from eating the forbidden fruit. He essentially told her that eating the fruit would allow her to be equal to God – able to know the difference between good and evil. 

She expanded the command. She said she couldn’t even touch the fruit. God’s actual command was not to EAT the fruit. Perhaps Adam had previously expanded the command in explaining it to Woman. The command had been given to Adam before Woman was even created. 

Satan’s enticement worked. Woman was tempted by the lure of lush fruit, the prospect of sweet taste, and the desire for the wisdom which would come from the eating of the fruit.

According to the Scriptures, Adam was with her during this entire interaction she had with Satan (3:6c). 

Woman succumbed to the temptation and ate the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. She also gave fruit to Adam.

Adam ate the fruit, an action which he knew was forbidden by God. 

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Adam had observed the entire interaction between Woman and Satan, yet he had done nothing to intervene. He had earlier received the command from God. Perhaps he and Woman had received the command together. If not, Adam would have been responsible for passing God’s command along to Woman. Adam had been given responsibility as spiritual leader in his marriage, but he failed to lead in this critical incident. He was passive. He allowed Woman to fall. 

In fact, according to Robert Lewis (of Men’s Fraternity), he may very well have been thinking – although Scripture does not record this – “if she eats and dies, at least I did not die, and, if she does not die, I’m no worse for her disobedience, because at least I did not disobey.”

But he DID disobey, because he allowed Woman to disobey when he should have asserted spiritual leadership. 

Their eyes were opened. They saw their nakedness, which an instant earlier had been a total non-issue. God humbled them and opened their eyes to their depravity. Intimacy was broken. They were suddenly compelled to “cover up.” Their pure existence had been broken. The trust and intimacy which had existed between them and God had been broken. 

God was walking in the Garden. They heard Him walking. Adam and Woman hid themselves from God. What foolishness! No one can hide from the presence of God! But they tried. 

Importantly, God called out to Adam first. God called out to His appointed spiritual leader first. He did not call out to Woman first. He called out to Adam first. 

God’s question seemed nonsensical – “Where are you?” God knew exactly where Adam was attempting to hide. He knows where all of us “are” at all times. He is omniscient and omnipresent. He is essentially asking, “Why are you attempting to hide from my presence? Why did you not lead when Satan tempted Woman?”

Adam knew that he had failed. He was convicted of his failures. Like a little kid, he tried to hide from his parent, believing he could make his problems “go away.”

God asked the critical question to hold Adam accountable: “Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” (3:11b)

Instead of answering honestly – “YES!” -- and taking responsibility for his disobedience – he blamed Woman AND GOD for giving the fruit to him. The Woman WHOM GOD HAD MADE gave the fruit to Adam. Even so, he himself obviously made the decision to actually eat the fruit, which God had forbidden him from eating.

Next, God turned to Woman, asking if she had done so. God fully knew that she had done so, but he wanted her to be repentant and to take responsibility as well. 

Instead of answering honestly – “YES!” – and taking responsibility for her disobedience – she blamed Satan for deceiving her. She understood now that Satan had deceived her. At the moment of her sin, she apparently was so caught up in the moment, temptation, and lure of being like God. 

God cursed Satan. He would be cursed until the day that Christ will finally crush Him with His heel (3:15).

God cursed Woman with pain in childbearing. He also cursed her with Adam “ruling over her.” (3:16c)

God cursed Adam for his passivity in allowing Woman to sin and for disobeying Him by eating from the tree. Adam would no longer be able to eat fruit from the tree. The ground would be cursed because of Adam. He would toil in his work as a farmer, because of the new condition of the ground. Adam would be forced to continually pick thorns and thistles from the ground. He would have to sweat through work which had previously been ideal and apparently completely enjoyable. This would be the case until he died.

Adam took his leadership responsibility seriously, first naming Woman Eve. 

God drove Adam out of the Garden.

A flaming sword guarded the tree, so God’s purposes would be fulfilled.

Man and woman had declared independence from God, and we have all paid for their original sin ever since.

This passage helps me better understand the roots of my own passivity, but I need God’s help in assisting me to become a better man, husband, and father. 

God could have prevented Eve and Adam from sinning, but He did not. Original sin was part of His sovereign plan. Man and woman were created in God’s image, but they were not God, so their free will led them to succumb to the same sin which we succumb to today. 

God also had a sovereign plan for addressing the sin issue. The plan was in place before He even created anything. The Second Adam would come and die a substitutionary death on the cross – for all of the sin of eternity. He was not passive like Adam. Robert Lewis has observed that, in the Garden, Adam appeared the man but actually acted like a boy. In the manger, Jesus appeared the boy but actually acted like a man – He had given up all rights and privileges and glories of heaven to show absolute obedience to God’s purpose for His life.

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*The tree was called the tree “of knowledge of good and evil,” not the tree of “good and evil.” The fruit did not represent good and evil. The tree represented KNOWLEDGE of good and evil. 

 “God Appointment”

A strange thing happened on my way to a business meeting the other day. Seriously, I had a brief meeting scheduled with a prospective vendor, and the conversation became 3 minutes of business and 57 minutes of “the good news”! 

I must admit I am not too adept in the service of this vendor’s choice, since some of the other key players were unavailable for the discussion. The woman indicated to me that she simply wanted to put her face with her name once those other participants were available at a later date. I was cool with that. 

At that point, I thought the meeting was basically over. I made a comment about becoming a Christian at 36 years of age. She looked perplexed. “What do you mean by that?” she asked. God directed me to share my testimony of a saving faith in Jesus Christ.  She nodded attentively, absorbing the information, but still looking quizzically at me. I talked about Christianity as a relationship (with Christ) rather than a religion. 

She agreed that people can go through the motions of their religion, indicating that she had graduated a few years back from a Catholic high school. She and her husband had recently been attending a large nearby Bible-believing church, and she explained that she really liked the preaching of the pastors. 

She wondered what had caused me to become a Christian. I talked about the CrossTrainers men’s ministry teaching. I spoke of the Homebuilders couples group centering on Bible study. I recalled my first-ever adult Sunday school class featuring Walk Thru the Bible materials. I recounted the major impact of my first PromiseKeepers in Boulder, Colorado.

She was apparently swept away in my passion for all of this evangelicalism, particularly my experience with PK. She enthusiastically inquired, “Is there a female equivalent of PromiseKeepers?” Of course, I quickly searched the Internet and printed her the home page of the upcoming Women of Faith event in Des Moines. She seemed genuinely intrigued by possibility.

The conversation continued. God wasn’t through yet. She got to talking about her marriage, which is all of a few months old. She said that she and her husband are struggling in their relationship. To offer hope, I shared the testimony of my own struggling marriage. Cheryl and I could have easily divorced in Year 1, 2, 5, 10, or 12 of our marriage, but we were committed to the marriage and each other, and becoming a Christian in the 12^th year of our marriage really helped me set a significantly better course for our relationship. I told her, “No relationship is beyond reclamation with Christ.”

She told me that she and her husband needed some help. I suggested the Marriage Matters couples mentoring branch of the Iowa Family Policy Center. Then, I certainly also remembered the positive impact of the Family Life Conference which Cheryl and I had attended. Again, a search of the Internet resulted in a printed home page of the Family Life website, and she seemed quite interested in this event for their marriage.

I told her that none of these conferences, seminars, stadium events, or programs would work in and of themselves. Marriage takes a lot of work, and that work must occur on a daily basis. All relationships involve conflicts and problems. But we must persevere. Studies show that when struggling married couples persevere and stay together, they have better marriages and are happier years later. 

I found it amazing to watch her eyes throughout our conversation. I don’t believe I am exaggerating her facial expression in saying that her wide-open eyes were soaking in just about everything I was saying. It was as though the Holy Spirit had a direct pipeline from my mouth to her sponge-like brain. 

She told me she works many hours – VERY early in the morning until VERY late at night – to basically avoid conflict with her husband at home in the evenings. I verbalized how sad that makes me, since I could relate entirely. I often worked long hours on the days when Cheryl and I had experienced conflict. I told her that I came to an epiphany in Year 18 of my marriage, when Dr. Gary Rosberg of America’s Family Coaches told an audience, of which I was a part, that not only our individual lives must honor and glorify Christ, but our marriages must also bring honor and glory to Jesus. Such was a two-by-four-upside-the-head moment for me. This young woman got the idea.

She told me that she felt as though she needed to go on a date with her husband this week, so she had called him earlier in the week to tell him they were going out to dinner sometime after our meeting. I told her that, even if she did not have that deep “feeling” of love for her husband at this time, she still needed to choose to love him, and one way to do so was to focus all of her attention on him during this date, even if he was unresponsive to her servant’s heart. Once they had a nice dinner, I told her she needed to rent the move, Fireproof, and watch it with him that night. She excitedly proclaimed, “You’re not the first person to tell me about that movie!”

She stood up and told me, “I have to go home to my husband!” She thanked me for my time, admitting that our meeting was no “accident.” I couldn’t have agreed more. 

Given the busy-ness and crowded business of my schedule, did I have 60 minutes to spare for what I thought was supposed to be about a 15-minute meeting? YOU BET I DID! God orchestrated that conversation! What a privilege that my tongue was used by Christ! I invite you to pray for such divine appointments yourself. God will bring people in your path. I pray that you have the courage to share your testimony of a life changed by Jesus Christ. The expansion of God’s Kingdom is depending upon you.

I have no idea whether any of the statements I made to this woman will take root and grow into her absolute submission to Christ as Lord and Savior of her life. But I count it an honor to share my unique story – suited entirely to her story – which at least resulted in seeds being planted, watered, fertilized, weeded, or cultivated! To God be all praise and honor and glory!